Wednesday, July 7, 2010


Füsun has just lost something. something she never considered valuable. in fact, nothing is precious to her. for her, things are, well, things. she had lost her favourite pencilbox when she was eight. it was pink and it had blue stars on it. it was her favourite till a classmate stole the blue stars off it. and then, she just lost it. her favourite pencilbox. when she was about sixteen, she misplaced her dolphin-shaped silver pendent. she was sure she had it kept it safely in her tiny trinket box, but her mother knew she had lost it while playing with the urchins. she was sure until she found out that she lost it. Füsun doesn't remember her dolphin-shaped silver pendent anymore.  
Füsun is eighteen now, and again, she has lost something. and it is weird, she feels. when you've just lost something, a lump of emotion immediately forms in your throat. and doesn't go away until you've found the thing you've lost, or perhaps you've forgetten what you lost. Füsun knew in time, she'll forget. for she wasn't one of those determined ones who don't give up unless they've got back what they've lost.  
she closes her eyes. she can see her favourite pencilbox, and her dolphin-shaped silver pendent but not what she's just lost. Füsun is confused. it isn't a new thing for her. Füsun has always been a confused little girl. not the confused-intelligent types, but like the confused-befuddled ones. nobody thought she was important. and mostly, people forgot her. they simply lost her.    
but Füsun just can't understand how to get back what she just lost. it is a rare thing, you know. Füsun closed her eyes with a determination she has never felt before, and created a mental map. she closed her eyes tighter and remembered the penultimate moment she had the thing, she just lost. Kemal Bey right in front of her, his face so near that she could smell the raisins in his breath. a sharp pain, a wince. and Füsun screams. Kemal Bey shrieks, and calls out her name in ecstasy. Füsun is dragged out of her reverie like a corpse . somehow the name doesn't sound like it's hers. am i really Füsun? who is Füsun?    
... and, there! that is when Füsun lost what she did.

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