Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Shifting Gears?

Last month, I devoured Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones like my life depended on it. I read the book like I was gulping down strong, potent alcohol - like I had to have it! I read on Ola shared rides, on buses, during chores in the kitchen. Goldberg's words were slowly taming the writer in me - that creature I'm so ashamed of, yet cannot do without. Goldberg seemed to make writing easy, like it's an everyday thing like food or sleep. I began a journal after this, which I promised to fill every few days, if not everyday. As you can expect, this did not happen. That journal now lies on the floor as I write this blogpost.

Recently, I started working with some people - very humble, immensely amazing, and so inspiring - but the cause has not yet become a part of me. And I am afraid I won't have as much passion for it as I do for conflict, peace-building and gender. Along with this, comes the idea of shifting gears - I want to be a part of big causes; I want to do my part. But I also want to free the writer that lives inside me. That horrendous creature that consumes the world and spews intelligible words once every fifteen days. That creature needs to be disciplined. I also want to travel the world in pursuit of research. I want to be a Victoria Fontan or a Fionnuala Ni Aolain. And perhaps somewhere down the line, I also want to teach.

So clearly, I want to do a lot. And perform many roles.

I cannot do one role, leave and then, do another - that just doesn't cut it. I won't live that long anyway. So the next best thing to that is to shift gears - writer for three hours on sunday, research for eight hours, thirteen minutes on tuesday, become a coordinator on mondays... and so on.

But how does one do that?

Several people I know have their lives figured out and I am still grappling with the fundamental question: what do I want to become?